Parents Making the Transition
Sending a child to college can also be a time of transition for parents.  Here are a few things you can do to help ease your transition:

• Allow yourself to go through normal emotions.  Sending a child to college can involve grieving, and this takes time.  It can also bring a sense of relief after years of direct involvement, which is normal.

• Find a balance.  Some college students want to call their parents several times a day, while others may go for months without calling.  Parents tend to do the same thing.  Try not to crowd your child, but be available when you are needed.  Do not make surprise visits to school.When parents show up and the student has no idea they’re coming, things can get stressful.

• Talk about finances.  If you are paying the bill, set clear expectations.  Do not use money as a threat, but be clear as to what level of academic performance and attendance you think is reasonable.  Be clear on who pays for what expenses.  If the student has a credit card, talk to them about setting limits to protect their credit rating.

• Encourage your student to take over daily tasks if they haven’t already. Every residence hall has a laundry room.  Every student is expected to keep a reasonably tidy room and share in the bathroom cleaning. These are things students should be doing themselves and are an important part of college and young adult life.

• Talk about what you expect when the student comes home for vacation.  Have the rules changed?  Has their room been creatively reassigned for other purposes?  If so, be sure to talk about these things ahead of time.

• Expect change (but not too much).  Your student will change.  It’s natural, inevitable and can be inspiring.  Don’t expect too much too soon.  Maturation is not an instantaneous process.

• Continue to be a parent.  Warn your child about binge drinking and other dangerous behaviors. 

• Keep yourself busy.  With additional free time, you may need to find new interests to occupy yourself.  Pursue some of your interests or get involved in your community.

A Guide for Parents
It may be a natural reaction to want to step in and do everything for your student, especially if they are having difficulties, but that can create over-dependency and limit a student’s self-confidence and autonomy.  In a recent online survey, one-quarter of students surveyed think their parents are "overly involved" to the point of embarrassment or annoyance.  The most important thing you can do to help your student is to encourage them to take action. 

Learn as much as you can about support services the college has to offer so that if your student calls with a problem you know where to refer them.  Listen carefully to what your son or daughter is saying so that you understand the problem.  Realize that wherever more than one person is involved there are at least two sides to the story.  Once you understand the issues, help them brainstorm possible solutions and point them in the right direction so that they can work through the problem on their own and learn important skills in doing so.
Another key role you can play is to encourage your student to get involved in a college club or activity outside class.  Activities help students learn valuable leadership and interpersonal skills, while also offering a social outlet.  Studies have shown that involved students are more likely to graduate than those who are not involved in any activities outside the classroom.

Be familiar with the college’s resources.
Be able to tell your student who to contact, but let them make the contact.

Serve as a sounding board and coach.
Stay on the sidelines where you can instruct, but don’t play for your student.

Listen.
Lend an ear, but allow your student to work out their own problems.

Ask who, what and why questions.
Don’t place blame or rush to conclusions – get the whole picture.

Don’t overreact.
Your student’s emotional state can change quickly – don’t get caught up in the tide.  Often when trouble becomes too much for a student to handle (i.e. failing a test, an ended relationship), the first place they turn is home.  Oftentimes, this may be one of the few times your student feels the urge to communicate with you, so you never get to hear about the “A” paper or the new significant other.

Keep communication open.
Be available and be willing to make the first contact.

Expect to disagree on some issues.
Students will be experimenting with their newfound independence.

Provide space and time to make decisions.
Even when your student asks you to decide for them, it is best to give them the time to decide on their own and it will take them much longer than you might expect!

Help your student brainstorm options.
Don’t do it for your student, but offer possibilities and resources.

Don’t expect immediate solutions.
It takes time for students to work through issues.  Don’t expect every roommate conflict or discipline issue to be settled in one day.

Encourage involvement.
When your student is enjoying college, they will be more successful.  Involvement outside of class is one of the best ways for them to meet new friends and develop a connection to the college.

Don’t expect perfection.
Neither your student nor the college will always be perfect.  Expect some mistakes and be understanding as we work through them.